I Feel like a Complete Loser...


No idea y... But everytime i ride the bus,walk home, take mrt , i think abt band , ypsb , mshs alumni , i feel as if i am useless.... Its like... i am sort of in charge of the bass clarinets in ypsb , musically we need help and i am not really the best to lead them musically, should be weijie but he has to take care of the clarinets in general. Now as bass clar i sit behind the clarinets.when i sit there i feel very left out feel depressed like i no longer belong to the clarinet section, the bass clars in ypsb aren't really talkative or zhi-high so i feel abit sian-ish. Then i look at the clarinets having fun, the horns ,flutes... Then i feel like i have failed its like ............ Can't really describe. Bass clar has its pro and cons but i now can see the effect of the cons really obviously and it is definitely taking a toll on me. when i come home i feel this sense of something missing in my life . In band this feeling is not there. Can't really figure out wat is wrong with me? ARH!!


Could it be because of the condition of my mental health after the last time? i noe i have no feelings for her anymore but could some of the strains from that portion of my life be affecting me now? Really confused. Sometimes i feel happy , other times i am depressed...Not sad. i am really not making sense now-a-days? My actions and words make no sense. Could it be the Stress from juggling the 2 bands?But i noe it is not really from studies. I really need someone by my side to help me and support me someone who might understand wat i am going true.(srry about this but...) i feel maybe this person may not be Donkey (plz don't take this too hard) cause he isn't in band (not that choir isn't good or anything) and wouldn't really understand my stress. But he can still be a great help in other areas .Stress is also pouring in from different points in my life like from matters of the heart. So close yet so far , maybe that is the problem.


I have the band competition in like a 12 hrs time and i can't think about wats to come.going to sch at 9 am will go to LTk hall face the old cemetery and scream.really need to do that and distress a bit.


On the bright side of things , the clarinets of ypsb are relatively fun ppl.




Blundering Into Trouble Someone Save Me...Heading Towards Meltdown,Depression...U Noe That Kind Of Stuff...HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So would ya be my friend?